Compelled to dissect

I was most recently moved to a unquenchable jealousy. It was triggered by no more than a friendly exchange far away that has nothing to do with me. I can't say that whether it's "in spite of" or "because of" that I'm so disturbed. How irrational...

Am i unable to feel joy for the past? I recognize now that this torrent of terror is really based on my imagination for the future. The past I'm grateful for, but the future I'm afraid of... How curious... But in that vein, shoudln't I be able to view the perceived slight as what it is? something that happened in the past too. Away with me, now.

To live in the moment is a hard thing... I'm trying.