To Choose or not the choose

to feel, is it a choice? I tell myself that sometimes, but sometimes I feel like I must be lying. Well someone's gotta be lying and it's most likely me.

it doesn't get any easier. It hasn't been long at all. I want to write her so much. I want to hear from her, rather, much more than I'd like to write. short notes, long letters, it doesn't matter. This must be what hopelessness feels like. Have I really ever been hopeless before? I suppose I have and will be again.

I don't want to be a footnote but that is who I am now, isn't it. I wonder...

It's difficult to have a strategy when you're not sure whether your weakness is your weakness or your strength is your weakness. Maybe they're all weaknesses and she simply sees something that you do not. I wonder if I can develop to see hers. Actually that is a moot point. I like her faults. But she doesn't like mine I guess. there lies the real difference...